Life and Times of Jason

Goodbye Decade.....I really grew up

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:55:30 GMT

Hey Journal,

Well, I rarely post on here anymore, and I doubt anyone actually reads this. I just wanted to thank everyone that made this decade what it was. I had many wonderful memories, and a great deal of adversity that I believe helped me to grow tremendously as a person.

2000: Ringing in the New Year with a house party, and everyone worried about Y2k! That seems like forever ago...

2001: Graduating high school, travelling to France, going to college.....lot's of change!

2002: Mom-mom's 50th anniversary
2003: Meeting Staci in college, living on my own in a dorm
2004: Falling in love
2005: Graduating College, heading to Canada, the struggle of finding a job!
2006: Dealing with heartache over a breakup, but my friends and family really being there for me. Travelling across the USA, and a great family vacation.

2007: Losing my job in Eastampton, teaching in delran to regain my confidence
2008: Learning my grandmother had cancer, getting a job in Delran, the Phillies winning the World Series.
2009: Losing my mom-mom, having a wonderful year teaching in Delran.

I've really made great strides in my life. My goal for the next decade.....to be happy. I want happiness in my life. I want to remain happy with my job, but also find love, and start a family.

I want to take care of myself more.....I grew this decade. Here's to a great next decade...let's hope :)

2009 World Series: Could it be a miracle?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:31:10 GMT

Well,

As we sit, the Yankees lead the Phillies 3 games to 2. The phils have a chance to make history as the first team to repeat in the national league in over 30 years. BRING IT BACK PHILLY!

Miss you Mom-Mom

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:53:03 GMT

Hey Journal,

It's been a month today since my grandmother (Mom-Mom) has passed away. I never stop thinking about you Mom-Mom. You are always with me. The memories and happiness you have left in my heart will keep you alive forever.

I can't say it hasn't been tough without you. I miss being able to go to you after a hard day. You always knew how to make me feel better. You always saw me as perfect, even though I am flawed. I owe so much of who I am to you. Because of you our family is close. Because of you I am caring towards others. I will try to make you proud always. The prayer card from your funeral says it best:

Come to Me
God saw you were getting tired,
And a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you
And whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God BROKE our hearts to prove
to us, He only takes the best.

Merry Christmas 2008....Mom-Mom my hero.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 06:04:25 GMT

Hey Journal,

It's been awhile since I've written here. I just have been in a reflective mood, and thought I'd write. I just want to say that I am so thankful for everything I have in my life. I am blessed to be teaching 5th grade, to be making great friends, and have people who love me.

Going through life is tough sometimes I realize, and I am blessed to have loved ones. With Mom-Mom having cancer, it just makes me think about life alot. I am so thankful to of had atleast one more Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthday with her.

I thought in October when she was in the hospital that I was going to lose her. Her cancer was getting worse, and the doctors said the fact she was in a stage four meant she didn't have long. She then left the hospital and went to rehab, and then miraculously went home. She then suffered a major heart attack a few days later. I remember going to the hospital and seeing her in bad shape. However, she was smiling and laughing because she was with her family. She was at peace. The emotions going through me were raging.

She somehow made a recovery. Doctors said the fact that she survived was a miracle. She was able to return a few weeks later, and her blood count has actually gone up again. She still has many tough days, but is living. She is cooking, shopping , and spending holidays with her family. She is my hero, and am blessed to have a strong role model to look up to.

I love you Mom-Mom. Merry Christmas everyone, and always remember to let people in your life know how much you care and love them. Don't let the small things ruin family bonds, friendships, and love.

Love,
Jason

here comes the road...

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:00:34 GMT

Hey Journal,

Well, I am officially a fifth grade teacher in Delran! This summer is going so fast. I had to say goodbye to my friend Mike again. He is leaving for LA after being here for 15months. I'm really gonna miss him. :(

I am going back on a road trip cross country starting tomorrow with my friend Min. I'll be back on the 15th, and then it's time to get ready for the kids. ::) TOO FAST! LOL.

Spring Break over....:(

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 21:16:09 GMT

Hey Journal,

Congrats to Mariah on her career setting 18th number one single! She has now passed Elvis and is two short of the Beatles record for career number one hits. This is gonna be another big year!

Spring Break......was great. I pretty much just sat around and relaxed and went to the movies a few times. PHILLIES START TOMORROW! GO PHILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going to Mike's to watch Wrestlemania.

Touch My Body.....

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:34:52 GMT

In the words of MC.....Touch My Body. I can't believe I still have this thing. Well, here I am on March 21st, 2008. I'm here to update. I worked in Delran for the first few months of the school year and really did well there. The principal liked me alot and I hope something opens up there desperately!! I am in Ewing township now till the end of the year.

It's SPRING BREAK!!!! I am so happy to be off for the next ten days. I am going with my friends Jen and Jim to a concert in Philly tomorrow and then my family is coming over for Easter.

I am going to call a girl named Jess tomorrow from Match, she seems really nice.

Oh, CONGRATS to the 2007 PHILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's late for that, but YES!!!

Other than that, I'd like to reopen this since it has been so long. There is so much I wish I could have written about Eastampton, Delran, and Ewing and about my life in general.

2007: I contined through some tough times losing my job because with Eastampton having one less position. However, I really have great friends in Jen and Jim now, as well as Mike, Min, and Liz. I didn't get to really travel in 07, but would love to go somewhere this year.

Shari, I hope things are going well and I keep thinking about you and Action News. I hope something comes up really soon.....I know it will for people deserve.

Oh, I still love my girl Mariah, and she has a chance with "Touch My Body" (certainly not her best, but catchy) to pass Elvis Presley by hopefully getting her 18th number one single. It will be hard to pass Usher's "Love in this club", but hopefully itunes downloads will help. E=MC2 is expected to be the biggest album of the year.

Also: Fun List: My top ten tv shows of all time.

1. Seinfeld
2. Sopranos
3. Simpsons
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm
5. Golden Girls (yes, it's true, lol)
6. All in the Family
7. 90210 (another, yes it's true)
8. Everybody Loves Raymond
9. King Of Queens
10. Wonder Years

Obama or Clinton???

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 01:22:18 GMT

Well,

I voted yesterday for Obama in the presidential election primary. I like Clinton but feel Obama is the candidate of change. Either way, as long as Bush is gone, that is all that counts!!!!!

Also, condolences to families in the south that lost loved ones due to the storms.

Thought I'd check in. Hope everyone is well!

Reflection

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:27:03 GMT

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and I just want to get some thoughts down. I've been thinking about relationships with people I've had and how much I've learned about people. Why is it that people that we are closest to (friends, relationships, family), can sometime hurt us the most?

How can peole be so close and an intrigal part of another persons life, and the next day cut off all contact and push people out of their lives. I've experienced this a lot the past few years, and I can see why so many people are depressed.

I've lost a closest friend of mine two years back because I didn't treat her well because I was in a serious relationship. We were friends for 12 years, and I dropped her because I was in love. How could I do that to someone I cared about so much? What made me become a jerk?

Then, with my ex girlfriend. We were the closest any two people could ever be. I really believed we were soulmates. We hit a bump in the road, and someone else came along and she left. Walked out my life like I never mattered. I think this hurt me more than any thing in my life.

Now, at work with my mentor and close friend I've shared so much with the past two years, and who really helped me through a depression. I would share anything with her, and she really guided me. After being let go from my job, she seemed to be very critical of me. I did slack at work somewhat, losing motivation. I finally had enough and said something on the last day of school. We haven't talked since, and I feel she may not want to be my friend after we shared so much, and she really meant the world to me. I don't feel it was either of our faults, but I feel I'm losing a close friend/mentor.

One good thing is my reconnecting with Jen. We're closer now than we've ever been. I think I see the true goodness that can be in people in her. I treated her badly, and she took me back as a friend in my darkest hour last year. She forgave me for that, and took care of me. We're so close, spending everyday together. I thank god for her in my life, and appreciate all she does. We've had our problems...but she really cares about me.

I don't understand why people hurt ones they loved or were really close to. I think it's sad when people part ways and leave on bad terms. Obviously when two people connect on a friend or love level, does that feeling ever go away. That person/relationship helps define us as people. Why do we let close ones go like they meant nothing. Why do we hurt each other.

We live one short life, and the thought of never seeing someone you really cared about again is depressing. If there is one lesson, I think it is that you should hold on to all the people who matter to you. You should forgive people for the mistakes they make. Don't forget, but forgive. You live only once, and it is always nice to have someone you care about a phone call away. Why throw away someone who once meant so much?

I know I'm rambling, but I am a sentimental person at heart. I care about the relationships and bond with people I care about. I never had closure with my ex, or with my mentor. I'm sad they're gone out of my life. I wonder if they think of me. I know there is a chance to make up with my mentor......I feel deep down she really cares. My ex....I don't think she does. A lot of hurt there.....I know I didn't deserve that. I forgive though.

I see faith in children and good people. When I lost my job, I saw the good in people. SO many parents told me I did a great job, and I got a letter from a parent telling me, NO EXAGGERATION, that I saved her child. I found happiness in helping others. Seeing gratitude and warm feelings from people at work, and parents of kids I helped tells me there is good out there. I know I didn't do a bad job, I did well for my first year.

When you face a lot of rejection and see that people you care about can really hurt you,it's hard to trust. Most people are only looking out for themselves. What's good for them. They will hurt you if it makes them feel better. Case in point....I did that to my friend. My ex did that to me.

My friend took me back. She forgave me. She was there when I needed her the most. I saw her character. I thank god for people like her. I would do the same for those who hurt me. I care, that simple. I'm no saint, but I care about people that made a difference in my life.

I'm thanking the good people out there. Thanks. :)

Well....got my thoughts out. Rambled to some, but it makes sense to me. I hope that with all the bad I've seen in myself and other people the past few years, I will see more of the good I've seen as well. A good person is ALWAYS there for you if they care or once did. A bad person will disown you. Simple as that.

Have a good night. :)

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:22:04 GMT

One more thing....

Don't forget to let those who love you know how much you care. You never know what can happen. Life is so fragile, and this is another example. Let anyone that matters to you know it.

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:19:19 GMT

I just have to say this....

I can't believe how horrible today was. Just leaving college a couple years ago, I know how little security there can be. I'm just so mad that all those people died. After the first shootings at 7ish.....THE ENTIRE CAMPUS SHOULD OF HAD A WAY TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED...AND ALL CLASSES SHOULD HAVE BEEN CANCELED AND THE SCHOOL IN SHUTDOWN.

They sent an email.......but who really checks that before 9. That isn't a way to let people know. All campuses should be prepared to handle something like this. After one shooting where someone was KILLED on the campus....the entire place should have been on shutdown since they didn't know anything about the shooter.

It just makes me so sad and angry because those lives could have been saved. It's such a tragedy......it's really getting to me. 33 people...I can't imagine that.

Terrible...

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 16:52:40 GMT

God bless those who lost their lives at Virginia Tech today. Thoughts and prayers are with the families.

Teaching

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 02:19:54 GMT

Had parent conferences this week....now they are done. I'm a little stressed about getting kids ready for the standardized NJ ASK test.....but it is what they've learned all year. I feel they will do very well...but I will be happy when it's over!

I was really touched by some of my conferences. One parent said I was the best teacher their child has had, and another said I helped turn around a boy who had real anxiety last year, and made him more confident. It just makes this job so wonderful....to know I make a difference every single day. I was so wrapped up in myself last year, and I realize now that I am happy in my job, and have kids who look up to me...great coworkers, and a sense of purpose.

I'm not in the pathetic state where I NEED someone. That will fall into place when that special person comes my way. I've learned a lot about myself the last year. The situation I was put into made me look at who I am...and I've grown so much. I don't rely on another person for happiness anywhere....you gotta love yourself and know who you are.

I really have done that, and when the opportunity for a new relationship comes, it will be much healither. I am a person who is comfortable and happy with myself...and I have a lot more to bring. It's never good to be attahced to someone else or be around them ALL the time. You have to be commited, but also be an idependent person.

I've taken so much time to look into my interests. Travelling, movies, teaching. They are fulfilling my life, and I'm content.

The comments today just really made me feel good.

Oh, and American Idol...the guys STINK. The girls are SOOO much better. Looking forward to their performances tomorrow.

Jay.

Feeling

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 03:32:46 GMT

Job

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 00:12:10 GMT

I love my kids and my job! I love waking up every single morning. I have the best job in the world. I'm so lucky.............I'm very blessed and thankful.

Happy 2007! To a rebirth and new beginning..........It's going to be a great year. :)

In LOVE

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 03:08:34 GMT

Hey Journal,

In LOVE!!!!!! It's the best feeling in the world. I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

School Days!!

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 17:23:44 GMT

Hey Journal,

Well, this week I spent the ENTIRE week in meetings and setting up my classroom. Did I ever tell you how much work that is??? Anyway, I am a little overwhelmed with how much there is to plan for next week and starting a career. BUT, I am so happy. I haven't been happy in so long. Everyone is saying that I am back to my old self. It feels great. I just smile all the time now. The parents brought their children in for a visit on Thursday. The kids were so excited about having me as their teacher. They remember me from subbing last year. I am making friends with the staff, and they are all SOOOO supportive. It's a wonderful feeling. I am feeling like a fulfilled person.

I'M NOT SAD ANYMORE. I'm Happy. I feel great. I've felt like this for a week. I am making a difference in the world. I love children. I'm so excited!!!!!!

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 20:25:37 GMT

Hey Journal,

Today was a day to celebrate my past. I went to Whitemarsh to visit my cooperating teacher, and she was so happy to see me! We caught up, and she was excited to hear about my fourth grade position. Then, I saw some of my kids while they were eating lunch. They're in 3rd grade now, and they were so excited to see me. I can't believe they remember me. It made me smile!

I also went back to my highschool and saw many old teachers and they were happy as well. It was a nice day overall. :)

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 16:18:09 GMT

Hey Journal,

I want to be better. Please nobody respond to this...I don't want it. Please don't keep reading from here.....I'm just writing to vent to myself. I am trying too hard. I just want friendship. I don't want to be hated. Anyone who reads this please keep it to yourself. I don't care what people think of me anymore. I'm mad, hurt, and for everyone who tells me to just get over it, wait until you are in the same situation before you can say anything. Don't tell me to get over it after I lost my best friend, and love. I will grieve however I want, and if nobody likes it, then that is your problem.

If you think I am an a**, you don't know the things done to me in the situation. I care so much about her liking me and wanting to still look at me. Her opinion is all that matters. She hates me.....what we had was so special. How do you do that to someone?? HOW?

Teaching is keeping me going.

Ahhhh............if people knew the things she did, they wouldn't believe it. Insensitivity. I have been as well.....but I am not ok right now.

Please don't respond, anyone. I'm just writing to myself.

What else can I do? I feel SOOOO alone. I have great friends and family, and feel alone. My family is mad at me. I used to be a happy person. My life was fulfilled. It is empty now. Only children and teaching keeps me alive, as well as my family and friends. I am not interested in love. It doesn't exist. It's cruel. I know I wasn't loved. Nobody would hurt somebody they love too much. Of course, many people get her side, not mine.

I just want her to realize the scumbag she is with. She settles for less. Someone who doesn't appreciate her. I'm so angry. Karma comes back around.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 04:16:06 GMT

Feeling ok today.

I got a really nice email, and it made me feel really special. Thank you guys for caring about me. It really means a lot. I feel like recovery is on the way. I really do. Something happened today. Shari and Kate, thanks especially. I hope you guys are well. It's nice that there are caring people in the world.

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 05:36:31 GMT

I can't do this anymore. I can't. Reaching out for help. Please.

Road Trip USA

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 00:48:16 GMT

Hey Journal,

Well, I am leaving on a cross-country road trip with my friend Mike starting tomorrow. Here is the itinerary:

Tomorrow: Drive 10 hours and sleep in the Indianapolis area.
Friday: Drive 10 hours and sleep in the Salina, Kansas area.
Saturday: Drive 10 hours and sleep in Las Vegas, New Mexico.
Sunday: Drive 5 hours and sleep in Flagstaff, Arizona.
Monday: Spend the entire day at the Grand Canyon, sleep over.
Tuesday: Drive 5 hours to Vegas and sleep over.
Wednesday: Spend the whole day in LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
Thursday: Drive to San Diego California and spend the day and night.
Friday: Drive to Los Angeles, and leave on a 9pm flight from LAX
Saturday: arrive back in Philadelphia and drive to Marlton.

I hope this trip renews my spirit. I need a miracle. I'm lost god, please help me find my way.

Something Please Happen

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 03:27:41 GMT

Hey Journal,

I am just feeling overwhelmed right now and need to write. It's nice to have a journal. Writing is a good thing. I am starting to really have strong panic attacks, and my therapist and friends are really concerned. I just want to go back to the old Jason again. I miss being happy and funny. I miss bringing smiles to peoples faces. I miss my life. Of course the whole thing with Staci is making me upset. I loved her SO very much and still do. I miss my best friend. It's not just that.

My friend Mike is going to LA to live forever. Jen is down in North Carolina. Min is in Korea. My friend Liz may be moving. Everybody so near and dear are moving away or already have. I will always have them for support, but I am very lonely now as well. It isn't a good time for that. I'm just a wreck. Why won't my crying start? Why won't my heart heal? What's wrong with me?

I want to be happy again. I really do. I've never felt Real love before, and would give my right arm to have it back. I'm trying to look to god for answers. I'm thinking of doing some charity work.

My heart beats fast. I don't know what to do anymore. I miss being happy. I really do. For anyone who has REALLY had their heartbroken, I'm sure they would understand. I can't even talk to my best companion anymore. I'm so sad. I miss her so much. Please god let something good happen in my life. I really need it. Just needed to vent.

I DO want to be happy, I just can't help what I feel. I have no control over it. Writing is therapeutic. I need you god.

Mariah

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 20:43:42 GMT

Hey Journal,

Well, I can always come here to write and VENT. I am on Zanex and 100mg of Zoloft now. Both my therapist and doctor definitely think something chemically changed in my brain from what has happened. I am still feeling like sh*t. There are so many people that are out there suffering from depression without any support. Atleast I have people who really care and love me. I'm not as hurt about losing the relationship now as I am the friendship. When you are in a relationship with someone you seriously love, they are your best friend. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I just want for her to want to save our friendship. I've bothered her so much I think she hates me. I can't help it. I guess it is just too hard to let go of something I really REALLY LOVED. C'est la vie! I want to believe she will try to save our friendship. I'd like to think I mattered enough. I will leave her alone, but just hope she tries to save it. IT would mean a lot.

In other news, Mariah was AMAZING. Her vocals were off the hook. She can really sing! Amazing. I suggest anyone should go to hear her once. You will be blown away.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 03:19:33 GMT

I just looked at old pics and cryed. Staci just got engaged and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I am suffering so bad. I loved so hard.....and lost my baby. I hate this. I can't take my life anymore. Why god, why? What is the purpose of you doing this???